Customer complaints

 

 

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours?

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

 

 

Period

 

 

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Student : Yah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

 

 

Mistress

 

 

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

~Unknown

 

 

Stress, tension & panic

Three Feelings:

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

~Unknown

Opportunity knocks once

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted.

She got in and Crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.

He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY :

Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!

Married or divorced?

 

Q :Are you married ?

A : No, I’m divorced.

Q : And what did your husband do before you

     divorced him?

A : A lot of things I didn’t know about.

    ~Anonymous

 

Love, Belief & Relief

 

 

Son asks his dad the difference between LOVE, BELIEF & RELIEF.

Father says : your Mom is my LOVE, our maid is my RELIEF and I’m your dad – well, that’s my BELIEF!

~ Anonymous

 

Beauty & brain

 

A Man goes to heaven after death. He gets to meet God and asks Him if he can ask a few questions. “Sure”, God replies.

“OK”, the man says. “Why did you make women so beautiful?”

God says, ” So you would love them.”

The man ponders a moment and then asks, “But why did you make them such airheads?”

God says, “So they would love YOU!”

 

 

 

Boss

 

 

“Boss is always early when you are late and late when you are early. ”

 

 

Three dreams

 

 

Three dreams of a man :

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

To be as rich as his child believes. 

To have as many women as his wife suspects.