“How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.”

~Brendan Francis, Poet

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years, my husband and I slept on bunk beds.”

~ Joan Rivers, Comedian

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

~ Joey Adams

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

Courtesy : funmunch.com

Tears is the hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Husband : “When I’m gone, you’ll never find another man like me”.

Wife :” What makes you think I’d want another man like you?”

 A guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears other guy say to his wife, “Pass the sugar, honey,” as they were having dinner. The guy is inspired.

The next morning , at breakfast with his wife, he tells her, “Pass the bacon, pig”.

~ Unknown

Husband asks , “Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

It means-”Without Information Fighting Everytime”

Wife replies,” No, It means- “With Idiot For Ever !!!”

Husband comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He souts and shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends”.